You're probably making things harder than they have to be

We take in about 2.1 billion bits of information per second, and only can consciously process about 127 bits. 

Our minds help keep us from getting crazy overwhelmed by deleting, generalizing, and distorting information based on our biases and lived experiences. 

For example, let’s say you’re crossing the street in the middle of a blizzard in midtown Manhattan. Let’s agree that you’ve also seen a metal street trash can before.

On this particular walk, your brain will register that there is in fact a metal trash can nearby so you don’t walk right into it. It probably won’t register the nuances of the light hitting different angles of the metal, or exactly how many pieces of trash it’s holding.

You don’t need to know these details because you have better things to do, like steering clear of Times Square Elmo and shielding yourself from frigid wind gusts.

Why am I mentioning all this?

I use this example to highlight that we very much live in loops. We have so much information to process that if we’ve done something once, we’ll probably do it again to save brain power and keep things moving. 

These loops start when we’re children, and most of them get cemented into our minds by the time we’re seven. I don’t know about you, but my life was very different when I was seven. 

For one, I had moved to the United States just over two years prior. As a member of a family of immigrants, I was used to my parents always stressing out about money and working super hard to make ends meet.

I was used to not seeing my dad for days at a time because he worked 3 jobs. I was used to shopping at Walmart for clothes and having pride in finding items on clearance at the local factory stores. 

I was blessed in so many ways. My parents did the absolute best they could with what they had and I was incredibly grateful.

What I didn’t realize is that I had glorified their struggle and kept repeating it in my adult life, even though it was really getting in my way. 

After finishing my bachelor’s degree in three years while working full time (because my internal programming said "our rule is you have to overperform AND struggle”), I kept taking low-paying jobs with terrible hours.

At one point, I worked as a sample hander-outer for a nut milk company. I used to take the train downtown from the north Bronx to Manhattan and Brooklyn, carrying a 15lb canvas bag of supplies to different fancy grocery stores in that I dreamed of being able to shop at.

I would set up a little table with a tablecloth, neatly arrange dozens of tiny paper cups for samples, and would display an assortment of milk bottles in the nicest way I knew how.

One autumn afternoon I was at a packed Whole Foods in Chelsea handing out samples. A small group had gathered around me as I recited my well-rehearsed speech about how the nut in question had as much iron as red meat.

Suddenly, an older woman looked up at me, picked up some nuts, and threw them in my face. She started yelling at me in front of 50 well-dressed tech employees on their lunch break. “How DARE you?!” she spat. “You are taking this GIFT from GOD and comparing it to DEATH AND DISEASE?! YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED!” 

I quietly put my head down, went to the employee bathroom and cried.  5 minutes later, I wiped my tears and went back out to hand out samples. Thankfully the woman was gone, but the line had barely moved and I felt people staring at my hot, tear-stained face for the rest of the shift. That day I made $60 before taxes and transportation. 

I continued to work weird little jobs to fill in the (big) gaps that I created because I was undercharging for my web development and marketing services. No one taught me how to price things, or how to budget for that matter. I was by myself in my business, working through a lot of emotional baggage, and regularly having to speak up for the value of my services. It wasn't cute.

I knew if I had a salary, I at least wouldn't have to be a salesperson/managing every aspect of my business and customer relations to make ends meet.

I could focus on showing up at a job where I had a specific set of responsibilities, could do good work, and take my evenings and weekends to plan my next move. My ego wanted to have none of it because we didn't want to work for "the man."

It’s crazy to think that now I make multiple six figures and am writing this from my king bed in my luxury apartment in Yonkers. I’m not saying this to brag, but to highlight how that part of my life, and that old belief system, seems like it came from a different person.

One of the biggest shifts occurred when I decided I was fucking done with trying to fight “the good fight,” whatever my ego thought that meant. I realized I was making things incredibly hard on myself for really no reason. There was a lot I needed to learn about life and business, and being tired and broke wasn't getting me any closer to a solution.  

I decided to stop trying to fight an uphill battle and go, at least for a little while, to working in a steady, predictable environment so I could recalibrate and set myself up to support my dreams.

I may not have been born into a lot of financial privilege, but I had the good sense to understand that I could choose to build a solid financial foundation.

That one decision, to let things be a little easier, led to a whole wave of decisions and actions that prioritized my self care over my ego. That one decision has gone on to benefit me, my family, and my community in so many incredible ways.

Let me be clear -- that decision didn't mean things were easy all of the sudden.

Instead, it opened my eyes to the subtle differences between the choices that were available to me, and it has become a superpower as I continue to navigate my corporate, business, and personal life.

Some things to ask yourself:

Are you making things harder than they have to be?

Are you setting arbitrary deadlines -- I have to do ___________ before I'm 35! -- refusing to ask for help "just because" or choosing to give into pride/ego/tradition over genuine self care?

How would your life be different if you followed the easier path at least some of the time?